There aren’t too many more bizarre events in American history than the Salem witch trials. Although on the surface it was not much more than a bunch of bratty little girls run amok, in the end 14 women and 5 men were found guilty and hanged while another man was pressed to death (large rocks were placed on his chest until he suffocated) for not entering a plea. Contrary to popular belief, nobody was burned at the stake; that was more popular in merry old England.

Providing context to the events of 1692 and 1693 is the Salem Witch Museum, the most popular museum in all of Massachusetts. Housed in a creepy old stone building with a statue of a hag out front, the museum will give you chills even before you enter. It’s a “must see” at night when lit by green lights. Inside, you’ll find a variety of scenes depicting the events of the accusations and trials, complete with voice recordings that really put you in the period and provide a little bit of insight into exactly what it must have been like.

So, what exactly happened? Well, nobody is 100% sure since much of the context is lost to history but, never fear, I’ll give you my take on the situation (this is MY blog after all)!

Problem #1: The niece and daughter of a minister get “sick” and have “fits.” Likely just play acting (they were 9 and 11 years old), other girls in town started acting similarly.

Problem #2: Since the finest medical minds in town couldn’t find anything wrong with the girls physically, it was obvious they were possessed by the devil.

Problem #3: When the girls were asked “who did this to you?” they pointed out whoever they didn’t like. First three up to bat: Sarah Osborne, Sarah Good and Tituba. Tituba was a slave who liked to entertain the children with tales of demonic possession.

Problem #4: Since the three accused were of low standing in the community, nobody stood up for them.

Problem #5: Anybody who said the girls were full of crap was then accused of being a witch.

Problem #6: Cotton Mather wrote to one of the judges, supporting prosecution but stating the court should not rely heavily on “spectral evidence” (accusations). No, he had more scientific ideas in mind and anybody who is a fan of Monty Python and the Holy Grail has a good idea of 17th century scientific evidence. Here are some of the better ways of spotting a witch:

The first one was apparently “proof positive” someone was a witch and it was easy, just look for a “Witches Teat” somewhere on the body. Simply poke a mole or some other skin blemish with a dull needle and if the person didn’t feel much pain, then she’s a witch. Burn her! I mean, hang her!

Second, but taking slightly more effort, was making a “Witch Cake.” The cake was made from Rye and other miscellaneous ingredients and, oh, urine from the possessed (ah, finally some science). The cake was fed to a dog and the witch would cry out in pain as if being eaten by the dog. This method was particularly effective if the interrogator and the witch were left in private for the “experiment.”

The touch test was another fine method of finding a witch. The suspected witch was blindfolded and then made to touch the afflicted. If the afflicted acted possessed, then obviously the blindfolded person was a witch. Can’t find anything wrong with that method!

There were other methods, but you get the idea. In the end, people finally started to realize they were acting like a bunch of ripe asses and the events came to a close and people found other hobbies to occupy themselves. Lots of hubbub that could have been prevented with a couple of good spankings!

Anyway, when you’re in or near Salem Massachusetts, take time to visit the Salem Witch Museum and form your own opinion.

Salem Witch Museum